At 8:45 on Monday morning, Meekins is pleading guilty to 4 felonies and taking a 92 month sentence.  If we’d gone to trial and won, his sentence could have been up to 147 months.  This is a plea bargain that saves the risk of losing and the pain of going over this again and again.  I’m not sure how I feel about all of it.  Really, I thought I’d have more time to process things.

I don’t understand all the bits and pieces that are happening behind the scenes, or honestly, all the ones that are happening in front of the scenes.  I am planning on attending this court date.  My father is planning on coming with me, my mother is TBD.  Because it came up so quickly, Jason’s parents and sister can’t make it here.

For the moment, I don’t know who is allowed to be in the court room.  I sort of figure it’s a public thing, but I don’t have a lot of details.  The details I did get came late on Friday and I didn’t have time to follow up before the end of the day.

Thank you for the support, thank you for the offers to sit in the courtroom with me.  I literally don’t know who or what or where to do any of those things.  For folks who want to support, you are welcome to come and see if the court appearance is public.  I don’t know and it is early, so I also really get not showing up.

The time I’m going to want people to show up is when I have to give my victim impact statement.  That will be in a month or so.  Maybe.  The victim impact statement is when I get up and tell the judge about Jason, about what I lost, about what the world lost.

This feels like a milestone.  I don’t like it.  I don’t want milestones of Jason’s death, I don’t want things that are going to make it more real.