10-5 All is Not Doom and Gloom

I got a new job.  It is a career type job.  Like, an actual job with a salary and 40 hours a week and benefits and paid parking.  I have business cards to prove it.  (Please don’t call or email that contact information.  I may have business cards, but I can’t seem to get into my computer or voicemail yet.  I still work in the arts.)

I am now the Assistant Technical Director at Park Square Theatre.  There is no Technical Director.  So I’m kind of that too.  And also the Master Carpenter/Shop Supervisor.  I’ll figure all those pieces out as we go.

I have had many feelings about this change.  This is the reason I went to grad school.  I went to grad school to get away from the instability of freelancing.  I got my degree to start moving into management, because we all know I won’t be content being told what to do.  I spent three years in school so that someone would be willing to take a risk on hiring me and giving me the chance to prove that I can be an exceptional leader and an excellent manager.  Someone did.

Except, that in the three years I was in school, I got good at freelancing.  I’ve built a reputation for good work and hard work and mostly being easy to work with.  I’ve set up yearly gigs that I can come back to season after season.  I’ve found enough work to make ends meet doing things I enjoy.  I’ve had the pleasure of working in the arts and in arts-adjacent fields with some of the best people around.

Now, I’m leaving the freelance life to take a job that could launch a different career.  It is big and scary and exciting.  I feel a little like I’m selling out on freelancing.  I feel rather overwhelmed by the vastness of the work in front of me.  I’m worried I’ll get bored and hate it in five months, or that I’ll throw myself at it and burn out and still be leaving in five months.  I feel like I have so much more to learn before I’m ready for this.  I feel like an imposter.

And at the same time, I’m ready to take on the challenge.  I want to dive in and start the hard work of building a truly exceptional team.  I want to create a place where people want to work.  I want to be part of creating an equitable and safe scene shop.  I want to teach new techs and learn from experienced techs and seek out every opportunity to further my own knowledge.  I want to do the work I’ve been practicing for.  I want to prove that I will be good at this.

I know I will be good at this.  But I’m still intimidated by it.

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