12-20 Why I hurt: Part 2

Last week I talked about safety and healing.  That is one part of why I think I (and the other widow/ers) complain of increased pain and other physical symptoms.  The other part is the way our brains are processing our grief. Think of it like circuitry.  We have a certain number of circuits for processing…

12-14 Safety, Healing, and Video Game Mechanics

I’ve talked about the widowhood effect before.  This is a phenomena found in widow/ers over the age of 65 (because there aren’t enough of us under 65 to study in a statistically significant manner) in which folks who have lost their partners report greater amounts of pain, are less responsive to pain medication, get sick…

9-20 Legal Summary: Part 3, Entirely Feelings

I was ready for a fight. It is just shy of a year since her first court hearing.  It has been eleven and a half months since I first saw the person who killed Jason.  Eleven and a half months of knowing that she doesn’t care that she killed him.  There is weight to each…

9-19 Legal Summary: Part 2, Less Facts More Feelings

I want to acknowledge that I consented to her plea deal.  I knew what I was doing when I made that choice, and I do think this is the easiest choice for me and for Jason’s immediate family.  I think that the plea deal is overall a good thing.  But that doesn’t mean I have…

8-10 Grief Filters

I’m struggling to remember Jason as he lived and as my partner.  Right now, I am focused on the hole his absence has created in my life.  I have been for a while.  This feels selfish. I understand that for each of us, his death is filtered through our relationship with him.  I feel the…

6-21 Secondary losses: Language

Jason’s death has brought with it a lot of secondary losses.  (Secondary loss is things like going into foreclosure when you no longer have 2 incomes, or the people who you no longer talk to because of the change in your circumstances.)  Recently, the one I’ve been feeling is the loss of language.  There are…