8-10 Grief Filters

I’m struggling to remember Jason as he lived and as my partner.  Right now, I am focused on the hole his absence has created in my life.  I have been for a while.  This feels selfish. I understand that for each of us, his death is filtered through our relationship with him.  I feel the…

6-21 Secondary losses: Language

Jason’s death has brought with it a lot of secondary losses.  (Secondary loss is things like going into foreclosure when you no longer have 2 incomes, or the people who you no longer talk to because of the change in your circumstances.)  Recently, the one I’ve been feeling is the loss of language.  There are…

4-13 Community and Identity Part One: New People

I’m not really into meeting new people these days.  I feel kind of bad about it. I used to like people.  I think.  Or maybe it was just that Jason really liked people and it rubbed off.  I’m not sure. I still want people to feel welcome and supported.  I just don’t want to do…

4-14 Legal Update: On wishing failure for someone else

Shortly after I posted yesterday, I got a call from my Victim’s Advocate at the County.  (My VA is amazing and Hennepin County has provided amazing customer service through her throughout this whole process.  So, our tax dollars are going toward something positive.) Chelsea Haynes, the woman who killed Jason, violated her terms of probation. …

4-2 #TeamAwkward

Jason’s death is my every day reality.  I think it is making me inured to the topic.  Not inured to his death, but rather inured to the idea of talking about it.  I live it constantly.  I wake up in the morning to the knowledge that he is never coming back.  Each day, I see…

3-11 The Myth of Gentle Grief

This grief is not a gentle thing.  This isn’t a beautiful corpse holding a sprig of flowers in hands crossed lovingly over a chest.  This isn’t grief like eyes closed in sleep. If this grief comes in waves, they aren’t the gentle waves of the tide coming in.  These are the tsunami waves after an…